My Return to India (R2I) story > R2I Chapter 3
Towards the end of February, after my hurried trip to India, Suja and I had agreed that we had to act on the plan to move back to India. The need was clear, and it was obvious we had to execute sooner rather than later. We began focusing on the key questions – How to wind down and Where were we going to live after moving. The logical time to move was at the end of Vijay’s school year. This would be least disruptive, making it easier for him to transition to a new school in a country with a distinct culture.
To execute any relocation, one must plan for two dimensions
– winding down operations in the US while planning for a life in India. We intentionally decided to simplify our
relocation and began downsizing our household artifacts over the next few
months. In the background, we started to prepare Vijay for the transition,
without making it explicit to him.
While we had lived in the West for nearly two decades, we had kept in touch with life and changes ‘back home.’ Most recently, we had made a couple of month-long trips back to India during the past two years and had observed the commercialization and consumerism firsthand. Most of the consumer goods – electronics, household appliances, gadgets and furniture could be easily acquired. Not only were all the American and European brands ubiquitous and easily available, one could relie on affordable service and support. There was even a Mc Donalds, Burger king, Subway, Baskin Robbins and Apple store within half-kilometer of where my parents lived.
Logistics of relocating
While relocating, we decided that we didn’t need to move all
our household stuff, especially the older items that had served their life. We
could simply acquire new gadgets and things we needed in India after moving.
Of course, not everyone subscribes to such thinking on
simplicity. For instance, Raja, a friend of mine from Atlanta had planned a move
back to Mysore earlier that year and we began exchanging notes. Unlike us, Raja
and his wife were vehement that they wanted their American stuff in India. While
relocating, they had transferred all their personal belongings, including
household appliances and gadgets – fridge, microwave, LCD TV, Washer-Dryer,
along with furniture, beds, mattresses, sofas, dining set and all.
Raja explained his experience of relocation and finding a
“container service” that would ship half or less than a full container-load of
items from the US to a port in India. In addition to the budgeting, packing and
shipping, he had to factor in a lot of documentation for customs clearance. Raja
said that some of the furniture and stuff they had acquired had a lot of
‘sentimental value’ that they simply weren’t willing to discard. Likewise, he
didn’t want to disappoint his kids asking them to give up their favorite toys,
trinkets and gadgets.
A year after we moved back, we visited Raja and his family in Mysore. While there were similarities in RTI experience we could relate to, there was a distinct variance when it came to their household furniture and appliances. In order to maintain all the appliances, they also had to get their house rewired to run dual 110-220 Volt appliances. While Raja was happy with the decision to relocate his household artifacts, he also mused about how the kids had outgrown their ‘favorite toys and trinkets’ and were more than happy to trade-in to stuff in India as they began making new friends after moving.
Preparing Vijay
Many folks who try to return to India sometimes abort the
move for a couple of reasons – the lack of spousal buy-in and kids unable to
adjust to the new culture and way of life. In my case, both Suja and I were in
agreement on the need to move, therefore we decided to focus our attention on
Vijay.
Years ago, when we decided to move to Greensboro, we had
reviewed school districts and opted to live in the Northern part of town. Claxton
elementary school, where Vijay studied was rated higher than other neighboring
districts. After enjoying a couple of years of pre-school and kindergarten in
Greensboro, Vijay was ready to complete his first grade. Moving from the school
would be a big change for little Vijay.
The American education system, especially at the elementary
level doesn’t emphasize bilingual skills, focusing on English instead. Schools
in a few southern states with sizable Hispanic populations bordering Mexico try
to offer some Spanish education in addition to English, but these are
exceptions to the norm. Like most Indian American kids, Vijay spoke a nice
North Carolinian accented English, though he understood Tamil and Hindi when
spoken to.
The American elementary syllabus emphasizes the 3-Rs – Reading wRiting and aRthemetic, which Vijay was well versed in. On moving back to India, he would have to gain additional proficiency in more than one language. I wasn’t too concerned about Tamil since he would imbibe it while engaging with grandma and grandpa. While entering second grade at an Indian school, he would need a second language, and we had to prepare him to learn Hindi. Suja found a couple of basic Hindi e-books and videos online and began coaching Vijay, who took to it like duck to water.
Preparing for Indian Culture
‘Culture’ is perhaps one of the most overused terms in the
international context. With its subtilities and nuances, it could mean a lot of
things to lot of people including acquiring the accent and mannerisms of locals,
or more assimilative like marrying into the local community, or adopting local
religion.
Indians living abroad, especially first-generation migrants try
hard to cling to their ‘cultural identity’ and roots. At the simplest, it means
trying to associate with people from the same religion or sect, and state or
region they come from. Some try to follow Indian festivals and ceremonies
tailored to local norms and regulations. For example, families in America stock
up on fireworks acquired during 4th of July to be used selectively
during Diwali. This is also the reason why one sees a proliferation of Hindu
temples, Mosques, Gurudwaras and community centers across North America and
Europe. The subsequent generations that grow up in the new land tend to
associate more with local cultures and values while retaining some links to the
old-country and it takes a couple of generations to completely assimilate.
Greensboro reflects a microcosm of Indians in the US. A town
of about 100,000 people, the city has two Hindu Temples – one ‘multicultural’
temple built a couple of decades ago, and another affiliated to the BAPS
Swaminarayan Sanstha. In addition, people of Indian origin commute to Raleigh
area during the weekends to join religious congregations and events. There are
several informal bhajan and satsang groups, Tamil and Telugu associations and
the like. Years ago, I had created a web portal, Garamchai.com to document and
chronicle listings of places of worship and associations. During our research, we
had documented hundreds of temples, mosques, gurdwaras and even Indian churches
catering to the diaspora. The listings have now been subsumed by google and
other data aggregators.
Volunteers at the local Hindu Temple in Greensboro conduct
“Bal Vihar” classes for kids. These classes, based on Chinmaya Mission’s
curriculum are intended to provide some grounding in Indian mythology and
scriptures for kids. We enrolled Vijay in these classes while at kindergarten
and he got interested in the stories and sessions. After moving to India, I
found that similar classes are organized by volunteers in Malleshwaram, and
Vijay continued his “Bal Vihar” classes.
While we tried to get him to imbibe some of our experiences,
much of Vijay’s early induction into Indian life and culture came during our
extended annual visits and trips across the country. We would begin the visit
either in Delhi, where Suja’s parents were based or Bangalore and end in the
other city before flying back to the US. We would also make brief excursions to
nearby cities like Agra, Jaipur, Mysore or Chennai. During the vacations, Vijay
would see kids at local parks speak Hindi or Kannada and would ask about
learning them. While these vacations were no substitute for a full immersion,
they were a start.
We began working on our bit to prepare Vijay for the cultural shift, but we knew we would have to modify our plans as we got closer to the move. We decided on subtle actions and agreed to minimize the chatter over our move. There was no point in discussing potential ‘adjustment’ issues since one can’t really be too prepared.
Life Lessons: Family Values in action
Most parents aspire to ‘teach’ values and cultural lessons
to their kids and hope they will follow suit when they grow up. However, kids
learn best from experience and observation. We were planning to demonstrate our
shared values to Vijay. I don’t say this lightly since ‘demonstrating values in
action,’ especially to young kids is harder than you can imagine. Kids can see
though the disconnect between your words and actions, particularly if you are
trying to do something you don’t believe in or say what you don’t mean.
Planning the move back to India felt a bit overwhelming, but what kept us grounded was the focus what was driving us; we just had to be around to care for an ailing parent. After the decision was made, we decided to pause attempts to rekindle conversations on “what if.” Such second guessing would not just be counterproductive but would also be visible to Vijay. While keeping the message on-point, we tried our best to keep any self-doubts to ourselves. We agreed that comparing aspects of life in India with the one we left behind in the US would be futile and counter-productive.
Takeaway
In hindsight, perhaps the best thing we did preparing Vijay
for the transition was to keep the message simple, and on point. We were moving
to be around grandparents, because they needed us around. Grandpa was ‘sick,’
and we were going to be around for him.
The lesson here was simple: you must be around for your parents
when they need it, and this is what binds us as a family. The corollary to this
‘lesson’ is that I will not expect my child to reciprocate this if and when
time comes. One just does what’s right
and moves forward.
I was hoping that this simple act would demonstrate in action what a textbook or references to ancient mythology or scriptures may not.
No comments:
Post a Comment